


your true colours are beautiful (like a rainbow)

by sarahcakes613



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Hand Jobs, Jealousy, Love Confessions, M/M, New York City, Pride Parades, Self-Discovery, Self-Doubt, Semi-Public Sex, and is only one scene, the Sonny/OMC is not explicit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-21
Updated: 2020-06-21
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:29:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,633
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24846085
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sarahcakes613/pseuds/sarahcakes613
Summary: Rafael takes Sonny to his first Pride parade. They're there as friends, but when Rafael catches Sonny in a delicate position with someone else, it forces him to reconsider his own feelings.
Relationships: Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr./Original Male Character(s), Rafael Barba/Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr.
Comments: 16
Kudos: 84
Collections: Barisi Pride 2020





	your true colours are beautiful (like a rainbow)

**Author's Note:**

> This covers Side A: Rainbow and Side B: Pride Month for the June challenge.
> 
> It's fitting that this is my last story for the June challenge, as it is a very loose sequel to the first story I posted for the June challenge!

Rafael is terminally early, so when he arrives to Union Square park twenty minutes before he’s due to meet Sonny, he sits down at a bench near the dog run, content to wait. He’s got the newest issue of WatchTime, picked up on a whim when he'd stopped in to get drinks for the two of them at the Barnes & Noble Starbucks across from the park. There’s a review of the new Patek timepiece, and he’s not sure he’s got a chance at the limited run, but a man can dream.

He sips his dark roast, carefully setting Sonny’s grande caramel macchiato down on the bench next to him, but before he can open his magazine, a long shadow falls over him and he tilts his head up to see the detective standing in front him, wide smile on his face.

“Hey, I was too excited and didn’t wanna just hang out pacing in my apartment all morning, didn’t think you’d be early too! Is that for me?”

He sits down next to Rafael and picks up the macchiato. Rafael nods, unable to speak as he takes in the sight that is Carisi dressed in his best pride casual. He’s wearing light denim Bermuda shorts that are snugger than they have any right to be, and he’s paired it with a short-sleeved Henley, buttons undone to show bare skin and a thin gold chain. Rafael can’t make out the shape of the pendant under the fabric, but he wouldn’t be surprised to find out it is a saint’s medal.

He’s distracted from the necklace by the movement of Carisi’s throat as he sucks down his caramel froth. He’s knocked back most of it in the few minutes they’ve been sitting there.

“Did you not have time for your usual morning triple caffeine fix?” Rafael asks in alarm, watching as Sonny tilts the cup to get the last dregs of syrup on his tongue.

Sonny flushes pink as he tosses the empty cup into the bin next to them. “Nah, I’m just nervous, I guess, it makes me thirsty.”

“What are you nervous about?” Rafael is curious. He knows it’s Sonny’s first time at a Pride event, but he’s grown in confidence since coming out to Rafael a few months ago, even reaching out to the Gay Officers Action League and coming out to the rest of the squad.

Sonny shrugs. “I don’t know. What if I see someone I know who doesn’t know I’m gay? What if I see someone I know and I didn’t know _they_ were gay? What if I get overwhelmed by all the rainbows and have some kinda latent gay panic?”

Rafael laughs, patting Sonny’s knee. “I can’t tell you what to do if you see someone you know, but if you get overwhelmed just say so and we can duck over to one of the side streets for a bit.”

The other man beams at him. “Yeah, okay.” He rubs the back of his neck and ducks his head, looking at Rafael through a tangle of eyelashes. “And thanks for offering to come with me today, Barba. It means a lot, y’know, and I don’t know if I’d have been able to do it on my own.”

Rafael’s heart pangs at this. He knows Sonny still struggles with what he perceives as a self-failure, only coming to terms with his sexuality in his 30’s. He knows rationally that there is nothing to be ashamed of, but he’s confided more than once to Rafael that he is unsure of his place in the community, afraid that he won’t know the cultural references or markers expected of a gay man of his generation.

They leave the park, walking down 15th St to 5th Ave, where crowds have been gathering all morning. Between Sonny’s height and Rafael’s glare they are able to push their way to a good viewing spot by a fire hydrant. Sonny sits on the curb, his long legs stretched out in front of him, Rafael standing at his back.

As the parade starts, Rafael finds himself watching Sonny more than the floats driving by. His eyes are wide, taking in every new float or group of marchers with enthusiasm. There are flags waving of every imaginable colour combination, and Sonny’s elbowed him a few times to ask for clarification on some of them.

It’s a new world, Rafael muses, compared to when he attended his first Pride parade in Boston. He remembers a plethora of rainbows, only a handful of bi and trans pride flags. Now he sees those and so many more, people of every orientation and gender flying their own colourful stripe combinations proudly for the city to see.

Sonny hoots and claps, and Rafael looks down the street to see a large banner introducing the proudly out students and alumni of Fordham University. He smiles at the joy on Sonny’s face. It warms him from the inside, seeing his friend feeling so at ease with himself today.

Sonny’s growth in all aspects, not just his self-acceptance, has been a journey that Rafael has to admit, he didn’t expect to be a part of, but has nonetheless been proud to. They’re friends now, of a calibre beyond sharing only work in common, and it’s a friendship that Rafael has been happy to nurture. 

Sonny's worst fear is negated when he apparently does indeed recognize somebody and leaps up excitedly, waving at them. A man in a flamboyantly bright rainbow aloha shirt breaks away from the Fordham contingent, jogging towards them. He and Sonny meet by the curb and greet each other with a big backslapping hug.

Rafael hangs back, watching as Sonny and the other man talk. Sonny’s rubbing the back of his neck again, a nervous habit that Rafael has noticed he often defaults to for lack of something better to do with his hands.

The other man looks younger than Sonny but is wearing an alumni baseball cap, and as they catch up, Rafael notes his body language. He’s tilted his entire body towards Carisi, and he’s clearly attracted to the detective, though whether Carisi knows or not is undetermined.

Carisi gestures towards Rafael, who raises a hand in acknowledgement. Fordham Guy nods back at him and then puts a hand lightly on Sonny’s elbow, gesturing towards the group of marchers. Sonny looks over at them and then back at Rafael. He says something to Fordham Guy and lopes back over to Rafael.

“Hey, Raf, check it out, Jared said I should go march with them!” He’s smiling so wide, Rafael’s own cheeks hurt.

Sonny smile slips a little then, his eyes concerned. “D’you mind? I mean, I don’t have to, I’m here with you. I don’t wanna abandon you.”

Rafael smiles back. “Absolutely not, I think it’s a great idea, Carisi. Why don’t we just make plans to meet back up in an hour or so?”

“You’re sure?” Sonny asks, but Rafael can tell he’s already halfway down the block in his mind.

“Yes, go have fun. You deserve this, Sonny.” He says it in a gently admonishing tone, wanting to emphasise to the younger man that he doesn’t need to remain an observer in his own community.

Sonny beams at him before returning to his friend and being absorbed into the small crowd of his fellow alumni. He waves enthusiastically to the hordes and Rafael laughs as he waves back.

He’s surprised at how much he enjoys himself, even on his own, watching the floats drive by. He sees a few people he recognizes from television, pets many dogs in striped kerchiefs, and takes a selfie with a group of fabulous drag queens, one of whom remembers him from a case where she’d been a witness.

The tail end of the parade is winding up the street by the time he checks his phone to see a message from Sonny, telling him that a few of the Fordham marchers are getting drinks at a beer cellar up near Washington Square Park and inviting him to meet them there. He taps out an agreement and begins walking up 5th, weaving through the crowds.

It’s only about a half-mile, but the crowds make slow walking, and it’s almost half an hour before Rafael pulls up in front of the bar. He doesn’t see Sonny’s distinctive height and silver-blonde hair outside or on the surrounding stoops, so he heads inside, shivering a little as a blast of air conditioning hits him.

He spots a few of the Fordham marchers crowded around a table near the back, and makes his way over. They all greet him politely once he introduces himself, but Sonny is not among them, nor is his friend Jared. He asks, and gets a few averted eyes and giggles in response.

He smiles, pretending to be in on the joke, but feels a swirl of confusion building in his belly. Carisi doesn’t owe him anything, but if this is the direction his afternoon is going, why ask Barba to meet back up with him, why not just say good night and reconnect at work later in the week?

He excuses himself to go to the washroom, feeling a need to wipe away some of the day’s sweat from his face. As he pushes through the swinging gate to the hallway where the restrooms are, he spots two men huddled up against the wall by an old payphone. His feet stop, stuck in place, as his brain connects the dots of what he is seeing.

It’s Sonny, back to the wall, large hands gripping the waist of the man in front of him. The other man’s Fordham baseball cap is sitting backwards on his head, the logo staring at Rafael. His face is buried against Sonny’s neck, and Rafael can see from here that he is kissing and sucking at the pale skin there. He’s got one hand braced against the wall and the other is tucked between them. Whatever it’s doing is pleasurable enough that Sonny’s head is tilted back, eyes shut and mouth open.

In the few seconds he stands there frozen, Rafael is hit with a rapidfire sequence of feelings. Surprise, because he’s never thought of Sonny as being the sort of person who would allow himself to get caught in public like this. Hurt, and rejection, and very suddenly, like a wallop to his head, dismay, because all at once Rafael realizes that he doesn’t want Jared touching Sonny, doesn’t want _anyone_ touching Sonny, because seemingly without notice, he’s spent the last two months falling in love with Sonny.

His feet finally unstick and he backs away, deciding that he doesn’t need to wash his face as badly as he needs to get the fuck out of there. As he goes to leave, he trips over his own feet, and the sound is enough to distract Sonny, who opens his eyes and stares straight into Rafael’s. Despite the flush crawling over his skin, he pales, and he reaches down to push Jared away hastily.

“Barba, Rafael, wait, hang on!” He calls out, but Barba ignores him, pushing his way through the press of bodies to get outside. It feels even hotter after time spent in an air conditioned building, but the mildly oppressive afternoon heat is preferable to the itching heat flaring up in his stomach at the thought of how good Sonny looked while another man put his hands on him.

Making his way through the thinning crowds, he suddenly feels impossibly old. What is he thinking, letting himself get caught up with feelings for a man a decade younger than him? Thinking it could possibly be anything more than friendship? Of course Sonny has more in common with Jared than with him. He looks around and sees so many people so much younger than him, all of them probably miles better for Sonny than he is. He’s a grey-haired fool.

He’s already halfway down the block when Sonny catches up to him, grabbing his arm and whirling him around to face the taller man. He hadn’t stopped to straighten himself, and the button of his shorts is open, the zip only halfway up. He’s still more covered up than any number of people out today, Rafael thinks absently.

Sonny shoves his hands in his hair, adding to the already tangled mess. “What the hell was that, Raf?”

Barba stares incredulously at him. “What was – what do you mean what was that? I should be asking you that! You told me to meet you for drinks and instead I find you with that guy attacking your neck like he’s a fucking vampire.”

He inhales deeply, letting it out through his nose. “I’m sorry I interrupted your…tête-à-tête. You didn’t need to come after me. Please, tell your new friends that it was lovely to meet them and I’m sorry I had to leave. Have a good night with Jared.”

Sonny’s mouth is agape and he shakes his head. “I’m not goin’ back to the bar without you, and I’m definitely not going home with Jared. We said we were gonna spend the day together, and the day’s not over yet. Come on, Raf.”

Rafael’s lips compress into a thin line. “Don’t be absurd, Carisi. You were clearly having a good time, and I meant what I said earlier. You deserve this. Go out, be young. Leave the early nights to us elders.”

He makes to keep walking, but Sonny reaches for his arm again. Looking around for somewhere they can be out of the path of oncomers, he leads Rafael down a side-alley.

“Seriously, Raf, what’s goin’ on?” He asks, arms crossed. His fly is still undone, which somehow doesn’t at all diminish his powerful stance.

Rafael doesn’t know what to say. He looks at Sonny, a sullen expression on his face, waiting for the younger man to crack first.

He does. “Alright, fine.” Sonny swipes a hand across his face, and when his hand falls back down, his expression is blandly smooth. “I guess I’ll see you at work, then.”

Rafael’s shoulders slump. He knows that tone of voice, it’s the one Sonny has after hours of talking to witnesses, it’s a tone that conveys a disappointment in his own limited abilities to comfort. He doesn’t even understand why Barba is upset, but he’s already taken on the guilt of it anyhow.

“Sonny, hang on.” He reaches a hand out, puts it on Sonny’s neck. He brushes a thumb softly across the already-forming bruises left by another man’s mouth. Sonny’s looking down at him through hazy eyes, his mouth slightly open.

He removes his hand and takes a deep breath. “I really am sorry, for….disturbing your moment with Jared. It forced me to realize some unexpected truths about myself, and I confess, I’m not handling the surprise very well.”

He looks up at Carisi. He’s staring back at Barba, his eyes shaded by the lowering sunlight.

“What kinda truths?” His voice is husky.

“The kind that only serve to drive home how remarkably obtuse I can be sometimes.” Rafael huffs out a dry laugh. “I pride myself on seeing both the trees and the forest, but I missed an entire grove this time.”

Sonny steps closer to him. He clears his throat. “Does it – that is, would it make a difference if I said you weren’t the only one?”

“If I weren’t the only one what?” Rafael asks, not at all sure he’s making himself clear.

“If you weren’t the only one who didn’t see all the trees but still somehow fell in love with the forest?”

Rafael stares at him. The metaphor’s gotten away from both of them, but the meaning is clear.

“But…Jared?”

Sonny shakes his head, a rueful smile on his lips. “He’s a nice guy, but it wasn’t – it was nothing, Raf. It was just a coupla guys caught up in the moment. Whatever happened would have been limited to today either way.”

He takes another step closer, tongue darting out to moisten his lips. Rafael’s eyes are drawn to his mouth, already red and swollen from his interaction with Jared. His eyes slide down Sonny’s neck, cataloguing the love-bites. He feels an urge to cover them, to put his own mouth on Sonny’s skin and leave a mark that lasts longer.

It’s a Neanderthal desire, wanting to claim the other man in some visible way, but as they stand there, Sonny’s head tilted as he watches Rafael watch him, he decides that for once, he’ll give in to his primal wants.

He cups a hand around Sonny’s head, bringing it down to his level, and draws Sonny in for a kiss. Sonny moves willingly, mouth slack and open, tongue pliant as Rafael's sweeps in. The kiss is hard, bruising, a biting press of lips as Rafael chases away the taste of anybody else but himself. When he pulls away, Sonny’s lips are shiny and he is breathing heavily.

Rafael moves down Sonny’s jaw, dropping light kisses until he gets to the crook of his neck, where the bruises are. He fastens his mouth down now, sealing his lips and sucking, teeth working lightly and tongue soothing the nip. When he is done, Sonny’s neck will be even more bruised, but it will be from him, and he knows he will feel a surge of satisfaction every time he sees Carisi at work in the next week, the two of them being the only ones who know what rainbow of marks decorate the skin under his collars and ties.

Sonny gasps, and he lets go, pulling his mouth away and back up to kiss Sonny again. He tastes like sunshine itself, a searing heat pouring into Rafael at every point of contact. He never wants to stop touching this man, this gift he is being given.

He slides one hand down and under Sonny’s shirt, running it along the other man’s abs. When he reaches the open fly, it seems the only logical course of action is to keep going, sliding his hand into Sonny’s pants and cupping the bulge he finds there.

“Raf, yes, fuck.” Sonny pants, his head falling forward against Rafael’s own forehead. He pushes at his own waistband, widening his stance so his pants don’t fall to the ground. They’re tucked into an alcove in the back of a brick building, and while there’s no mistaking what they are doing, a casual observer won’t see any more of Sonny's exposed back than is legally permissible.

Rafael is focused on his front, and as Sonny’s pants are pushed down, his cock is pulling up, hard and begging for Rafael’s attention. It’s flushed as pretty pink as Carisi’s lips, a thick bead of precome already forming at the tip.

Rafael holds his hand out to Sonny, palm out, and Sonny laves at it with his tongue. Reaching down, Rafael wraps his hand carefully around Sonny’s cock, smearing the precome around with his thumb. Sonny’s dick is like the rest of him, long and lean and even with his hand fully wrapped around it there are still inches left.

He moves his hand slowly, eyes focused on Sonny’s face, wanting to see the minute reactions play out. Sonny’s eyes fall closed and tighten in pleasure when Rafael twists his hand just under the head of his cock. He speeds up, knuckles brushing against the open zipper and Sonny gasps, his hips stuttering forward as he fucks into Rafael’s closed fist.

“That’s right sweetheart, fuck my hand.” Rafael murmurs, eyes still on Sonny’s face. “Are you close?”

Sonny nods frantically, one hand knotted in the fabric of Rafael’s sleeve. “Yeah, yeah, I’m – fuck, I’m so close Raf, I wanna come.”

“Look at me, Sonny.” Rafael’s voice is low and insistent. “Let me see you.”

He opens his eyes, pupils dilated, the clear blue a murky grey in the shadowy alcove. He stares at Rafael, a silent plea on his face.

“Quiero que te vengas por mi.” Rafael murmurs as he grips Sonny’s cock tighter, the calluses on his fingers adding friction.

The growl of his Spanish and the grip of his hand are the tipping point and Sonny cries out as he comes, spilling over Rafael’s hand, come streaking down his wrist.

He falls back against the wall, chest heaving as he tries to steady his breathing. He shakily pulls his shorts up and fastens them while Rafael carefully pulls a handkerchief out of a pocket and wipes the spunk off his wrist and hand.

“Do you, um,” Sonny starts to say, waving a hand at the prominent bulge that is Rafael’s own current state of arousal.

He shakes his head. “Not here. The crowds should mostly be gone by now, we can catch a cab back to my place.” He pauses. “If you’d like that, of course.”

It hits him suddenly, that this might be Sonny’s first sexual experience with another man. He kicks himself inwardly for not checking in, for jumping in the deep end with his exhibitionistic streak.

Sonny grins at him, a crooked thing that hints at knowing where Rafael’s mind is going. “Yeah, I’d like that. Might be good to have some cushioning under our knees for the next coupla steps.”

He leans down and kisses Rafael again, but this time it is a gentle, slow movement of mouths. “You’re thinkin’ too loud.” He comments, as they move from the alley back onto the main street. He’s got a hand intertwined with Rafael’s; their fingers knotted loosely together.

“I just don’t want to be something you regret.” Rafael confesses.

Sonny turns to fully face him. “Never,” he says firmly, “you will never be something I regret.”


End file.
